Teens around the world let out an agonizing groan the moment they receive their parent’s Facebook request. In a recent study, 50% of parents admit, emphasis on “admit”, to joining Facebook to keep tabs on their kids. For a teenager, this can lead to social suicide, and a few weekends in the doghouse. But, for my generation, those who “friended” their parents for the first time as adults, it may not be such a bad thing.
My mom was always the “tech savvy” one; a typical Northwesterner with Birkenstocks from Nordstrom and a Mac computer for no reason other than it was a Mac. While I was in college, before Facebook existed and we were still aimlessly wandering around MySpace, she used my online debit card transactions as a means for monitoring my whereabouts. I frequently received emails asking what Wine World was and how I could spend $50 at some place called Mullys. I almost had her convinced it was a coffee shop, until she also picked up Googling.
In our household she did anything and everything requiring a computer, while my dad read the newspaper and preferred driving in circles to using Mapquest. This worked for them. But, in 2009 my mom passed away, and my dad was left to fend for himself. He’s had to learn everything from scratch at the age of 65: emailing, looking up directions, paying bills, checking bank statements (thankfully I had my own account by then), the list goes on. I worried about him, living alone in the house I grew up in.
Two years later, when I was 26, I received my dad’s official Facebook friend request. His “About Me” section read:
“Born and raised in Tacoma WA. Spent 4 years in the military and acquired a masters degree in Social Science. Worked at a psychiatric hospital for 36 years and retired in February of 2010. Wife passed away in January 2009 and we have 2 children. My daughter lives in Maple Valley and my son in Denver”
He may not get a date anytime soon with that piece, but I was relieved to see him begin to use social media to connect with family, old colleagues, and especially my brother and me. As time went on, he began to “like” things, such as Earthlink and American Idol. He also used it as a platform to update us on his life:
“… a sad event was that my dog had to be put to sleep. On the brighter side I bought a new Honda Civic on January 4th. I really am pleased with it…”
He posted pictures of himself golfing, and commented on the ones from my wedding. After my brother broke up with his girlfriend, he found her page on Facebook and wrote a note on her wall before the break-up had become FBO (Facebook Official):
“…sorry things didn’t work out, good luck with life”
We spent some time discussing the difference between writing on one’s wall (public) and messaging someone (not public).
Of course our best moments are always in-person over a cold Manny’s discussing who he thinks will win American Idol. Our online relationship helps fill the gaps between those moments. Connecting on Facebook is not at all about monitoring the other at all, it’s about allowing access into each other’s lives in a way that was unheard of when I was a teenager, but connects us more as adults.
I know by now you’re thinking, what does this all have to do with Biz Dev?” And the truth is, nothing more than to point out that the need to feel connected is simply human nature, no matter where you are in life. Social media can help grow and nurture those relationships, both personal and professional if we are willing to let people in. Stop looking at it as a means of monitoring, and start thinking about it as a way to build relationships.